The Final Chapter

It's been 17 days since Cheryl died. The funerals were both beautifully done. The care and concern I've received from family and friends has been amazing. I am thankful for all the kind words from every one that I have encountered in this two and a half weeks.

Some folks probably don't know what to say at a time like this and that's okay. I, we, my family, community and church have suffered a loss but we can not allow ourselves to dwell in the depths of despair. I understand that death and loss are also a part of life.

I am a better person for having known Cheryl and being married to her for 32 years. Cancer didn't defeat Cheryl, it just won out over her body. Her soul is eternally secure with the Lord.

Those of us that are left behind will go on living. We'll have a hole in our hearts where a bubbly 4' 10 1/2" lady used to be but we'll go on living.

I pray that the rest of my life will be as happy as the years we had together. I'm choosing to reach for joy instead of drowning in sorrow. I encourage you all to do the same.

Farewell my sweet lady, thanks for thirty-two good years of marriage.

A New Beginning

This has been an incredibly taxing six days. After Cheryl passed away on Wednesday, I had to go to the funeral home on Thursday to finalize the arrangements.

The visitation Friday was well attended and I saw many dear friends that Cheryl and I have made over the years. There were well over two hundred people in attendance at Saturday's funeral service at Westside Baptist. From North Carolina, Cheryl's mother, three of her four sisters and both of her aunts were able to be here for both the visitation and the service. My son Jason and his very pregnant wife Sharon were also able to attend the funeral. My co-workers and my second family at the Board of Education were so kind to prepare a marvelous meal for the family and out of town mourners after the service.

I left for Thomasville after the meal and waited for word as all of the out of town family made their way to their overnight lodging. We had about seventy people at the Sunday afternoon service, about half of which was family. Michelle, Chris and their three kids made it in from Kentucky, Jason and Sharon traveled across the state and met up with Sharon's mother and Dylan, Chris's mother and two sisters came in from North Georgia. Of course, my mom was there since she is like Cheryl's second mother, my brother and all three sisters came in from the area and even my niece Melanie (the proud wife of a US Marine) came in from North Carolina with my great-nephew and one of her friends. My loving church family from Summerhill Baptist also prepared a feast for us after the graveside service.

One couple of special note that attended the visitation and both funeral services were our dear friends, Claire and Woody Reade from Grovetown, GA. They were Cheryl's stand-in parents at our wedding 32 years ago and we have remained in close to them all these years.

Cheryl was buried near my father in Sunset Memorial gardens in Thomasville, GA late Sunday afternoon. Both funeral services and the graveside service were beautiful. Dr. Tracy Brinson (Hinesville) and Rev. Mitch Clements (Thomasville) both did an excellent job of capturing the sort of woman that Cheryl was to us all.


Thank you all for your kind words, postings here and on Facebook, cards, flowers and participation in the celebrations of her homegoing. I covet your prayers for our entire family as find a new beginning in a world without Cheryl. She will be sorely missed, she will not be soon forgotten.

The End of the Journey 1/11/2012 - 2:10 PM

At 2:10 PM this afternoon, Cheryl took a deep breath and lifted both of her arms and reached out her hands for a moment. She then folded her hands and exhaled gently. Thus ended the life of a precious godly woman.

We will have two funeral services for Cheryl.
In Hinesville, we will have visitation at the Thomas Carter Funeral Home from 6-8 PM Friday (1/13/12) and the service will be Saturday morning (1/14/12) at 10 AM at Westside Baptist Church.
In Thomasville, we will have visitation at 2 PM before the 3 PM Sunday service (1/15/12)at Summerhill Baptist Church(Boston, GA). Interment will follow at Sunset Memorial Gardens, Thomasville,GA.

I appreciate all the prayers, calls, cards and notes of encouragement you have given us during this eighteen month journey. My prayer for each of you is that you can have the peace from God that enabled Cheryl to leave this life without fear. Make sure that you let the people that matter to you know that you love them.

My final prayer request is for grace and strength for me in the days and weeks to come as I adjust to life without Cheryl. God entrusted me with a very special lady and I thank Him for our 32 years together.

She's Still With Us

We have watched and waited today for the Lord to come and take Cheryl home but somehow, she is still hanging on. Her breathing is shallow and she does not respond to sound, light or touch. The hospice social worker came by today and we discussed how quickly she has declined. He assured us that many patients do go through this process and seem to stall out on their way. He also told us that hearing is the last sense to cease functioning. We are still talking to her and have let her know that it is okay to let go.

My mom and sister are still here with me and have been a great help in watching over her these past couple of days. We are all tired but we know that we will be able to rest soon enough. Pray for our strength and Cheryl's easy passing on to glory.

It Won't Be Long

Cheryl is slowing down. Her breathing is short and shallow. She is still on oxygen and we have kept her medicated enough to keep her pain in check.

I will be surprised if she makes it through today.

Please pray that she will pass peacefully into our Savior's arms and that I will have the grace to let her slip away.

When her time comes, I will need to make phone calls to hospice, the undertaker, our immediate family, my church, work and community contacts so please know that even though I want to personally call and talk to each and every one of you that have gone through this ordeal with us, I will not be able to. My church prayer chain and neighborhood coordinator will spread the word and after I have family notified, I will make a short post here.

I thank God for all the love and support you all have given us during this 18 month ordeal.

Rapid Decline is Difficult to Witness

Since going into hospice care this past weekend, Cheryl has experienced a rapid decline. Her vision is getting more and more blurry, coordination and strength are waning. By Wednesday evening, she was almost too weak to walk to the bathroom with assistance and on Thursday afternoon her right leg collapsed while we were trying to get her up. The nurse came and inserted a catheter to reduce the necessity of getting up to urinate and gave us some hints on how to help her move for other needs. The nurse did an assessment of her overall condition and consulted with the doctor about doubling Cheryl's Fentanyl Patch to try and get her pain under control. She also made a recommendation to put her on oxygen to make breathing easier.

Last night was a bit disconcerting as she lay perfectly still for seven hours with only shallow breathing letting us know that she was still hanging in there. This long period without being disturbed also had its drawbacks as it took us well over an hour to get her pain under control once she did awaken. Her oxygen machine came in this afternoon and it does seem to help appear a bit more relaxed. It is getting increasingly difficult to get her to take oral meds, since she is having some trouble undertanding what we are trying to do for her.

Family visits do seem to cheer Cheryl up. Michelle and the kids left before midday today and then her two sisters, Joy and Audrey drove down from NC with our dear family friend Elaine. During Cheryl's lucid moments, she is still having reasonably clear communication but these seem to be coming further and further apart.

I had a telephone conversation with her nurse this afternoon and she told me that it appears that Cheryl's body is beginning to shut down. The process varies from person to person, but we don't expect her to hold on much longer.

Please be in prayer that she will be able to talk to the family and friends that want to come by and see her. Also pray for peace for those that don't want to see her in such a state and want to remember her better days.

The kids, I and our families are each handling the grieving process in our own way, but by the grace of God, we know that He will carry us through.

Calls and Short Visits Welcome

We're getting settled into the hospice thing. We had an enrollment visit from one nurse on Friday and got Cheryl's hospital bed and table ordered for Saturday delivery. A weekend/night nurse came out Saturday morning and did an initial assessment on Cheryl and had to do some more data entry into the system. She made a few recommendations on bathing and mobility issues to help with her care.

After lunch, Jason, Sharon and Dylan called to let us know that they would be arriving shortly and then the hospice delivery driver called to say that he was on the way with the bed. I helped Cheryl into the bathroom to freshen up and stepped into the den to get things ready for the bed delivery. I'd only been away from her about one minute when she called my name and I turned to see that she had fallen in front of the bathroom vanity. After untangling her and the walker, I was able to get her back on her feet and settled in the recliner in time for Jason and the delivery driver's arrival.

Sunday went well for Cheryl, she is showing definite signs of weakness and is having additional pain in her lower back but we are able to keep things under control with regular doses of high octane pain meds. It was very difficult day for me as I ended our Sunday morning service by asking our loving church to grant me a leave of absence during this difficult period. They graciously consented and have offered to continue my salary. I am especially thankful that Dr. Craig Dunham is willing to step in and provide preaching and pastoral support for the church during my absence.

Hospice is still on holiday schedule today, so we have not yet had a visit from Cheryl's assigned case worker. The nurse that came out today checked her vitals and gave me some hints on helping Cheryl move across the bed more comfortably. Per the instructions we received from the intake nurse, we've been charting Cheryl's pain medication. Based on that, the nurse conferred with the doctor and they have decided to put her on the timed release Fentanyl Patch. This should avoid the peaks and valleys that she's been experiencing with the other medications.

Keep us in your prayers as we travel this final leg of the journey. We've had 32 good years of Home, great care at the Hospital, the nurturing of Hospice and the promise of Heaven. God has been faithful through each step along the way.